Tax Day!

Well I screwed it up again.  Why is it everytime I think I have it figured out how things work it changes on me.  For the last 2 years since James went on disability we have had to pay $100 in on the taxes so I really wasnt worried about it.  I saved the money so I could pay it.  I kept putting off doing the taxes because I thought I had it figured out.  James kept pestering me to do the taxes and the more he bugged me that more I resisted doing it.  I got up at 6am to do the taxes and I thought it would be done in 15mins but when I finished filing out the forms I owed $962 not $100.  I just started crying and thought I would throw up.  I went in and woke James up.  I wish he understood what I need from him.  I have realized that I have been screwing our money up thinking that if I mess it up bad enought someone else will have to take it over.  This is stupid because I know that is not true.  I am the only one that can do it.  I need to just suck it up and take care of it!  I went up to the bank and put in a loan app for $2000 and we are waiting to see if they will loan it to us with my car as collateral.  I should have an answer by tomorrow.  I asked for enough to cover the taxes and to pay for a new clutch for my car.  I cant drive it much more the way it is.  I hope they tell me soon.  If we get turned down we are going to have to contact IRS and set up payments and I have no clue how to pay for my clutch.